Confused .

As my days get more and more lonely I feel myself self-destructing. I let go of my friends thinking it was my surroundings that were keeping me from what I needed to be doing with my life but when it comes down to it its only me , I’m keeping myself from doing what I WANT and NEED to do. Only to think I can change that and start doing whats necessary but I cant, I lack something and that something is MOTIVATION ! I haven’t had motivation in a long time and I don’t know where or how to find it the only thing I am aware of is that I need it.